 |
| Front Wedgie |
Neither myself nor Carrie will be climber
of the month anytime soon. But we did give an outstanding effort tonight at
Climb Iowa.
An outstanding effort at trying to get kicked out. Let me back up. For
starters, the guy giving us orientation was like the Ben Stein of rock
climbing. Think the Dry Eyes commercial. He was about as lively as a tree. He
told us we had to fill out the waiver first and I said "oh is that so if I
die, I won't try and sue you" And he said "no." Wow. Ok umm that
was a joke buddy. It would be hard for me to sue you if I were dead...oh never mind.
Geez, tough crowd. He hands us our shoes and tells us they need to be pretty
tight. We ask if we need socks and he says "most people don't." So
Carrie says to me "you want a genuine experience right?" And then
whispered, "I hope they sanitize these." Next step was to get our
harness put on. Let me tell you a little something about the harnesses, they
aren't comfortable. Carrie made the mistake of jumping ahead in his
orientation by asking about the walls and he said "we're going to get to
that" Ok point taken. Man this guy is not effing around. I'm sure that the
fact that we weren't taking anything he said seriously didn't help. To
make matters worse, in the middle of his explanation of the walls, I exclaimed,
"oh god, owww I have a front wedgie" he didn't laugh or look
impressed. The thing we were both curious about was that if this hurts for a
girl, we can't imagine how uncomfortable these things are for the guys. So he
takes us to the wall to try out, shows us how to do everything and then says to
try it. I made it up the wall a little bit and then you're supposed to just
fall back and let the rope rappel you down. Umm, that requires trusting the
rope to hold you and when you're high up, that's scary to do. The guy keeps
explaining to us the difference in the different walls when we notice a kid
(probably age 7) with a huge backpack slung over his shoulder. And Carrie asks
the guy if that's his chalk bag. They give you chalk to help your hands
when they get sweaty. Or in our case to just put on our hands to look more
official. Carrie said she's going to ask for a designer chalk bag for
Christmas. Jesus, these little kids are going to smoke us on these walls. So
we attempted a wall that the guy said was somewhat easy. Umm, that's a
joke. It wasn't easy at all. I made it up a few feet and then had to let the
rope carry me to the floor. And by carry I mean I fell and almost landed on a
girl sitting on the floor watching her boyfriend scale the walls sans
rope. Why would you sit on the floor when people are flying off these
walls? So Carrie says she has to use the bathroom (which I'm thinking would be
difficult with the harness on) and then tells me she didn't really
have to go, she just wanted the guy to be done with orientation Haha.
We were finally on our own to tackle these walls. Tried finding the areas that
were the easiest to climb. The first one we tried was a little easier than what
the guy was showing us but it was still hard. I made it about a third of the
way up and then remembered my chalk bag. LOL it doesn't help by the
way. And when you're on a rock climbing wall laughing hysterically
things get even more difficult. Carrie was down at the bottom laughing and
taking pictures of me. So I came down and we decided to try the easiest wall of
all. Except a kid was rushing over to it. "Want me to shoulder check him
and tell him to get off?" Carrie asked me. "Well it is Ladies' Night,
don't they know they should be letting us do this?" I said. "Would
you EVER want to do this in real life, like on a real wall?" Carrie said.
"Umm negative. This is hard enough." So the little climbers were
finally off the easy wall and we set out to attempt it. Mission accomplished! As I scaled the wall in
a pretty quick fashion, Carrie was texting our friends "apparently
Shawnna's a natural." I need to work on my landing however because I
bounced into the side wall as I came down, of course started laughing
hysterically A-gain and fell on the floor (see exhibit A picture as proof).
Carrie goes, "my favorite part was when you ran into the wall. Now let me
attempt this." So she climbs up gets almost all the way to the top and
then stops saying "I'm seeing stars." Omg. LOL Yes you better come back
down. Carrie had given blood that day so perhaps rock climbing wasn't the
greatest idea ever. Her claim to fame is being the first person to pass out
mid-climb and pull a Weekend at Bernies. Admittedly we were
starting to get tired of climbing, or rather my hands were. We tried a couple
of the hard climbs again and after literally flying off the wall back down
and almost hitting that girl again (seriously she's still sitting in
harms way!), I said, "ok I'm pretty much done." Now
there is a group of people doing planks in a circle, not sure why. We thought
it would be hilarious if Carrie came down off the wall landing in
the middle of their circle, "well hello everyone." Bahahaha. We
conquered the easy wall again two more times because it made us feel like
official climbers and called it good. My fingers were shaking and my hands
couldn't do another climb. It was probably time for us to go anyway, we are not
professional climbers which obviously showed. And I think people were getting
tired of us complaining about a front wedgie. You try it and you'll see what I
mean. Who's got two thumbs, conquered the easy wall at Climb Iowa and no longer
has a front wedgie? This girl.
 |
| Old Pro |
 |
| I fell |
 |
Stopping for chalk
|
 |
| Baller Status |
 |
| Look at Carrie go! |
No comments:
Post a Comment