Octoberfest: Day 18 "Desperate Tannerisms"

Not normal

Let's face it. I'm never going to be a Desperate Housewife - er Housegirl - of Des Moines. For one, there's simply not enough salacious gossip going around. For another, my idea of a catfight would be knocking over someone's water bottle and saying "so there." The drama just isn't in my bones. But I'm really good at pretending so for today's activity, I thought I'd get into character and do something a desperate housewife, or an Orange County housewife, or an Atlanta housewife, or a Jersey housewife would do: get a spray tan. Now I know what you're all thinking...as we approach winter, the time of year when we're completely bundled up and covered, why would I want to tan my skin that nobody will see? It's simple. In the name of science I wanted to see how far they've come with spray tan technology. Now let me just throw the disclaimer out and say that I tried a spray tan booth as opposed to a person who custom spray tans you. Call me crazy but I just wasn't really in the mood to get a tan sprayed on me sans clothing in front of a random stranger. I know the Housewives do it. I guess I'm just not that desperate. In any case, I'm here to tell you that they really have come a LONG way with spray tans. I wasn't sure what to expect at all but I was willing to experiment knowing full well that the outcome could have been disastrous. And it was. At least for about 12 hours. In those twelve hours, my face looked like the tanning mom Patricia that we all heard about recently. Saturday Night Live spoofed her even. If you're unsure who I'm referring to, I've conveniently added a picture as reference. Yes, my face was borderline THAT bad. And I was sweating orange bullets. I thought about taking a picture of myself but it was too embarrassing LOL. I went to bed thinking to myself "dear Lord, please make my face normal colored by morning, I swear I will behave for the rest of my life, sincerely, Me." I woke up the next day - face as orange as ever. Uggggg!!! OMG what am I going to do? I mean do I say that I was in a face tanning accident or that the spray booth got stuck permanently on FACE mode? Ok. Let's take a deep breath and not notice that I'm inhaling a tropical tanning scent. I almost called Classic Tan to ask them about it but I figured well there's nothing anyone can do about it now. Maybe if I take a shower, it will help? Suddenly I remembered the girl telling me that something washed off within the first showering so I quickly disrobed and jumped in hoping and praying that my face looked normal when I was done. THANK THE LORD!!! It worked. I was no longer Patricia's sidekick. Phew that was a close one. I can honestly say that I was impressed with the tan. It looked very natural and hardly anyone noticed. Except for Abe who said to me "have you been tanning??!" in an accusatory way like I just betrayed some sort of natural way of living. Well yes. I was getting into character. And experimenting. Everything that resembles Octoberfest. So for anyone thinking about trying a spray tan, I would recommend it. They really have come a long way and it looked very natural. I may not be desperate but I am tan.

Not cool